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azbukivediLately, I've been haunted by thoughts about my professional potential, or, rather, about not fulfilling it. It does not prevent me from doing any of the things I normally do, it does not make me depressed or drain my motivation, it's just there, gnawing, arriving unexpectedly at all hours, surprising me at the unlikeliest moments, unrelenting sometimes.
I hate the word "career". Makes me think of some ladder one has to climb throughout his or her professional life, striving for higher and higher position, salary, bonus, recognition. Yet that's not what I am talking about at all. Getting promoted once again, gaining more responsibility, or receiving a large salary increase does not help to silence the quiet yet sharp inner voice, that screeching whisper of dissatisfaction ringing in my ears.
At first I thought it was about a career change. Physical Therapy required less brainpower than I could provide, yet more patience and serenity than I could ever master.
I changed my profession, but the voice was still there.
Then I thought it was about professional development. I must learn another programming language, get certified in this and that, become proficient in project management, staff training, what not, add the word "senior" to my title, go to some important conference...
The voice didn't shut up.
Should I go for another drastic career change? Unlikely. I am not even sure what I really want to do, except that I like dealing with software and technology but would like... branching out, I guess.
Somehow I do not fit the image of a computer geek, to put it mildly. I don't think I have an ounce of geekiness in me. And that's where the culprit lies: my strength is in breadth of my knowledge and abilities, not the depth of it. I don't like to "dig", learn some peculiar intricacies of an obscure process, search for a hidden answer to a question almost nobody would bother or even think to ask, or tinker with a well-build program to make it run 5 minutes faster, just for the fun of it. Or take another example: some people say I would make a fine editor. It’s true, I edit my friends’ texts, especially in English, I’ve edited some web content, and every time I enjoyed it. All that, alas, was quite superficial. I was editing something written by non-native speakers, making it more digestible for the locals, prettying it up. To comb through a well-written professional text in search for a tiny mistake, perfecting something near-perfect already, striving to understand unfamiliar content, and judicially examining every sentence, not to mention every comma, adverb, or compound adjective, for eight hours a day, is beyond me.
There are so many things I do well (trying to be objective here, with relative success, I guess). I have great written and verbal communication skills, in two languages, I learn quickly, I love change, I am flexible, I am “presentable” and have charisma, at least to some degree, and I am smart and good with technology, math and computers. Oh, and I have decent medical background. Isn’t there something, somewhere, that would allow me to combine all or most of these talents, without making drastic career changes (i.e., without going for another degree), and, most importantly, without capitalizing on one ability at the expense of the others? I want to do it all, but I don’t have any inclination to endlessly milk one particular trait. I don’t want to be buried in details in search for ultimate perfectionism, and my kids would have to be starving before I agree to do QA or technical writing. Mundane tasks are anathema for me, and there has to be a room for a somewhat limited attention span. I’d rather do five things well or very well, than excel beyond reach in only one. Oh, and I want to be in the front room, not the back room, to talk, to present, to explain, to deal with people, but not with the sick or stupid ones. Teaching is not it, either…
Why can’t I come up with a way to optimally apply myself, huh?
I hate the word "career". Makes me think of some ladder one has to climb throughout his or her professional life, striving for higher and higher position, salary, bonus, recognition. Yet that's not what I am talking about at all. Getting promoted once again, gaining more responsibility, or receiving a large salary increase does not help to silence the quiet yet sharp inner voice, that screeching whisper of dissatisfaction ringing in my ears.
At first I thought it was about a career change. Physical Therapy required less brainpower than I could provide, yet more patience and serenity than I could ever master.
I changed my profession, but the voice was still there.
Then I thought it was about professional development. I must learn another programming language, get certified in this and that, become proficient in project management, staff training, what not, add the word "senior" to my title, go to some important conference...
The voice didn't shut up.
Should I go for another drastic career change? Unlikely. I am not even sure what I really want to do, except that I like dealing with software and technology but would like... branching out, I guess.
Somehow I do not fit the image of a computer geek, to put it mildly. I don't think I have an ounce of geekiness in me. And that's where the culprit lies: my strength is in breadth of my knowledge and abilities, not the depth of it. I don't like to "dig", learn some peculiar intricacies of an obscure process, search for a hidden answer to a question almost nobody would bother or even think to ask, or tinker with a well-build program to make it run 5 minutes faster, just for the fun of it. Or take another example: some people say I would make a fine editor. It’s true, I edit my friends’ texts, especially in English, I’ve edited some web content, and every time I enjoyed it. All that, alas, was quite superficial. I was editing something written by non-native speakers, making it more digestible for the locals, prettying it up. To comb through a well-written professional text in search for a tiny mistake, perfecting something near-perfect already, striving to understand unfamiliar content, and judicially examining every sentence, not to mention every comma, adverb, or compound adjective, for eight hours a day, is beyond me.
There are so many things I do well (trying to be objective here, with relative success, I guess). I have great written and verbal communication skills, in two languages, I learn quickly, I love change, I am flexible, I am “presentable” and have charisma, at least to some degree, and I am smart and good with technology, math and computers. Oh, and I have decent medical background. Isn’t there something, somewhere, that would allow me to combine all or most of these talents, without making drastic career changes (i.e., without going for another degree), and, most importantly, without capitalizing on one ability at the expense of the others? I want to do it all, but I don’t have any inclination to endlessly milk one particular trait. I don’t want to be buried in details in search for ultimate perfectionism, and my kids would have to be starving before I agree to do QA or technical writing. Mundane tasks are anathema for me, and there has to be a room for a somewhat limited attention span. I’d rather do five things well or very well, than excel beyond reach in only one. Oh, and I want to be in the front room, not the back room, to talk, to present, to explain, to deal with people, but not with the sick or stupid ones. Teaching is not it, either…
Why can’t I come up with a way to optimally apply myself, huh?
